Yep, my ex-turned-best-bud shared a roof with my new partner and not onlywas it not awkward, it wasactually fun. Whether your relationship ended by mutual agreement or feelings on your end that you see your significant other as more of a friend than a lover, the Id like us to still be friends conversation often comes into play. And you know what? When I first met her, he came up to her and hugged and spun her and he seemed incredibly happy to see her. Your boyfriend has only lost interest in you if he shows no affection when youre both healthy, not when youre both sick. Books, videos, and articles such as this can teach us a lot. You do not need to act on every single emotion or negative feeling you have, but that doesnt mean you need to bury them either. Speaking of, if their ex is down to be friends with you as well, thats when youll know things really are a-OK, couples consultant Lesli Doares tells Bustle. At the end of his stay, my ex told me, "I like you Rach, but I think like your boyfriend even more." Fingers crossed! Does his ex act especially chummy or affectionate towards him? So, if something makes you uncomfortable, don't be afraid to speak out. While it's obviously fine for your partner to have one-on-one time with friends including friends who are exes if they refuse to include you, it may be time to ask questions. Youre clearly not okay about this, so dont bottle it up inside! If you constantly think about your Sometimes an ex wanting to be friends is a sign that hes seen the light. Hes recognized his mistakes and how he screwed up the relationship. This kind of revelation is sometimes accompanied by the desire to get back together. female Sometimes theyll grab a drink or dinner afterward again, sometimes with mutual friends and sometimes just the two of them. They dated for two and a half years, broke up 5 years ago, have many mutual friends. I even wrote to my ex on Facebook today. Naturally, you , Sex is important. Here are few hints to look out for to determine if your ex boyfriend is still in love with you: 1. I hate that they are best friends. I hate that they hang out one-on-one! Once you establish clear boundaries, an ex can remain a part of your life without detracting from your relationship. Now lets say your partner still works with their ex. Theres a surprisingly large number of people who think this way. reader, HeatherMcLovin+, writes (18 September 2008): A Lying indicates there is something to hide even if there isn't, Wang says. As you can probably tell by now, there are many possible reasons why your boyfriend is talking to his ex, and most of them dont really mean anything. My current boyfriend, on the other hand, is still really, really close with his most recent ex. Hes fun. Youll just have to accept that its part of who he is, and trust that he isnt having an affair behind your back. The entire relationship, I've had a problem with his best friend, who is his ex-girlfriend (23F). Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. Otherwise, youll just end up resenting your boyfriend and even ruining your relationship altogether. Not only will a friendship make it difficult for the ex to move on, but itll also stunt the growth of your new relationship. "Theres nothing wrong with remaining friends with an ex under certain circumstances," Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and dating expert, tells Bustle. If your partner shares mutual friends with their ex, they may make the decision to remain on good terms especially if they run into each other on a fairly regular basis. Meet Cordae, How I Saved Grocery Money By Dating (Yes, Really). Wanting to be friends keeps you from feeling the full depth of the loss, softening the blow of the breakup, Atwood says, noting that even if you are not sexually attracted to your former partner anymore, you may still crave the emotional intimacy that you two shared. there isn't much i can tell you besides to try your best to understand that they are just close friends. In the beginning I immediately didn't like the idea of it, but I tried to be friends with her anyway because I wasn't sure how their dynamic was and if I should be worried at all. My Situationship Broke Up With Me Unexpectedly. The DNA test came back positive [M28/F27/F20], Press J to jump to the feed. "I recently learned, from my boyfriends sister-in-law, that he and my best friend had sex a few days before I met him. He must participate and listen and be open, too. Its just his nature to try to be friendly with everyone. Another day after kayaking with him and his friends, we went to go shower and change at her house. Either he stops all contact with her of stops with me. None of us can be everything to our partners. female New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Maybe your BF is going through something, or hes trying to get to know himself better, or hes just curious how hes changed over the years. ok, hunny is that equal to buddy? They were friends for a while before they tried out dating for a few months, but he realized they were better as friends and they went back to friendship. They were best friends for 5 years before they dated, dated for 2 years, stopped talking for 3ish years, and now they're best friends again. Your boyfriend has taken all of the appropriate actions to get his ex out of his life. I want to know where you stand on the whole staying friends with your ex thing. Blah blah blah. It is hard to fully let go sometimes, especially if the relationship began with a friendship. Its why outside friendships often fall to the wayside at first. You might simply have insecurities or an attachment style thats keeping you like this. We talked about it and he was pissed off at me and said he was just excited about the band and he could have "slapped a wall." Once you fully understand the importance of the friendship, it wont feel as threatening to the future of your relationship. Moreover, heres the part we often forget right after a breakup: What happens when you, or your former flame, meets someone else? Maybe you should think about why. You can even be his wife and still not be entitled to violate his privacy. doesnt really work if you have kids with the dickhead and see the wanker and his new slut regularly because of this. i'm a girl and my ex and i are best friends and any new girl he starts dating immediately has trouble with me. Ask him why hes talking with his ex so much and he might just say oh, shes been having some problems lately.. You said well, if he was single he would. All relationships are different, as are the people in them, so if you want to try to remain friends with an ex, I wish you the best of luck. Because any man who cuts off his friendships because of an insecure ex will get what he deserves an irrationally jealous girlfriend who will never trust him no matter what. female You have to remember that your boyfriend is specifically not with this person romantically anymore. What can I do to build trust with him? I made the additional mistake of scrolling back and then realised theyd been talking while I was making him dinner. Men, well men are always eager to help, especially if they have history together. reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): A I have touched on this in the previous point, but its possible that he simply has no issues with the concept of him talking to his ex. I told him I didnt think it was appropriate. Its healthier that way. female It sucks to be one of the friends who finally gets a call seven months into your buddys relationship seeing if youre free, but it can also hurt for the people in the relationship to be jostled around, repositioned in a more healthy and sustainable place: still the bullseye, but not the whole damn dartboard. Keeping your ex around can make it harder to move on from the relationship and the feelings you had. You have every right to feel this way. reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): A Shes passionate about her work because she understands that relationships are hard and messy, but they can also be beautiful and fulfilling. Such is life! female reader, kolibri+, writes (16 May 2008): A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): A I hate that they go to dinner, I hate that they grab drinks. Why does anyone feel like a safe person to spill your guts to? Eventually, I let my insecurities get the best of me. breakupdatingdating adviceFriendsloverelationship advicerelationships. All of this information makes me feel very uncomfortable! 3) Youll as hard as it may be, something that may help is thinking about how he is with guy friends vs girl friends. You arent the first person in the world to face this issue after all. Resist the temptation. It is normal for spouses to keep connections with their exes. Fast forward a few months and this time it's a double date with me and my boyfriend and her and a casual date. by Just as there are things you should do if you want to fix things up with him, there are also things you should avoid doing if you dont want to make things worse than they already are. If anything, it means that he has a big heart and doesnt have any malicious intentions when hes talking with his ex. You may want to talk to him about it, and perhaps you can even help him set boundaries with his ex. WebMy girlfriend is best friends with her EX. You deserve someone who truly love you and whom you should never have to question their love. Yes he still loves his ex. He is trying to move on, but is struggling because the ex was such a great partner. What this means is you are falling short from the expectations and standards he grew accustomed to with his ex. They dated for a year (broke up 3 years ago) and continued being close friends. I was a little jealous, but I just let it go. Theres no reason for a man to destroy all evidence of his past just because hes dating you. Not only were they genuinely helpful in fixing my relationship, they also offered me guidance on how I should view love and relationships. You have a right to speak up if you feel uncomfortable, left out, or worried that something might happen behind your back. he probably acts very similarly with both but you just notice his interactions with her more because of their past. Its best to give him some space and not get involved. Most of us know it If it's once in a while I guess you can find ways to deal with it in a mature fashion. Whichever way you frame the situation in your head is how you're going to see it. Kiran Athar I think you are particularly sensitive to your own needs and feelings and somewhat clueless about the needs and feelings of your boyfriend. Im just feeling insecure right now. Regardless of whether an emotion is reasonable or fair, your partner should want to be reassuring and helpful. It appears that she is the one more than likely looking for more than just a friend. 4 Reasons Why Mentally Strong People Attract Toxic People. When word makes it back to your boo that their ex is with someone new, how do they react? What? However, the more brutal the breakup, the more likely there will be unresolved feelings. female In other words, your ex boyfriend may have sent his friend on a mission to recover something of his that you have possession of. You need to be looking forward, not backward.. Im also talking about him being trustworthy enough to not put you in positions that make you question him. Not to mention that my wife has her first wedding album in a drawer in our home. Webthis sounds like me and my ex, we are the best of friends now an dhave been for about a year since we split up, but i would never cheat on my girlfriend with her no matter how I also feel guilty because he has told me he feels guilty whenever he messages her or hangs out with her and he has to mentally prepare himself to tell me he's going to hang out with her. He said hes not attracted to her and so on, but I just dont like the idea of him hanging out with her, what if he invites her over for dinner, etc? In an NBC.com poll, 48% of people surveyed said they stayed friends with an ex after a breakup, while 18% said they tried the friendship thing, but it did not work out. This is a good thing! Me (19F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for 1 year and 4 months. reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): A Deal with it before it explodes and ruins your relationship. However, if you find out that your husband or wife keeps tabs on their ex through email or social media, it might be time to have a conversation about changing this habit. Do you have good examples of people who talk to exes? Ask him about it and he might even go wait, whats weird about that?. They might both like the same bands or artists, the same niche games, or are both geeks for a very specific topic. Most importantly, give yourself some grace. And if he hasnt been cheating on you? I consulted them myself when I was having a hard time keeping my relationship together. He deserves good outlets! Don't have an account? I mentioned this already, but it deserves to be repeated. Pearl Nash As long as he's being completely transparent and tells you everything where she's involved, is a good start. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. If your ex doesn't want you to stay friends with their family, it might be best to respect their wishes. We had fights (big word maybe discussion) about his 3 times already. Thanks, Emily. ! And to that I say, why does any friendship form? Some people are still hung up on past issues while others see no problem with their old friend/love interest moving on. Its something that seven years down the line you will appreciate. Theres no harm in it, but it may be nice for you to reach out to him and have him gush about those good old days with you. Need help with your relationship? 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